I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
