And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize