Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
