I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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