You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
