So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
