I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize