She's JV to your varsity
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
