her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
