I just gift wrapped bread.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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