I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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