This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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