it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
