There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
