The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize