dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
