if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize