That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
