I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
