his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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