He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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