The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize