ugly people sure do ruin things
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
