You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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