nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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