I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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