He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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