We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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