he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're too hungover to prance.
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