His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
