ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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