there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
