she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
