There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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