I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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