Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
