so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
