Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at about main and main street
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
