Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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