I hate your face
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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