It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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