i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
