Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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