just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
