It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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