Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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