i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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