You made me cry and you don't even care
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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