why didn't you poke me back
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
