I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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