ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize