do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
