Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
