There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
