I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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