I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
