I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
