fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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