Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
