The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
