she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
