i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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