This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
