I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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