Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His nipple licking is glorious
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