I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
