why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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