I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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